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Bereavement Pumping: Our Senior IBCLC’s Journey

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Bereavement Pumping: Our Senior IBCLC’s Journey
Jenn M. Foster, MA, CD, IBCLC, RLC

It’s been 4 months, nearly 5 months, since we lost our little “dove baby”, Nolan. His birth date was November 2, 2018. Yes, I say “birth date” because he was born. We held him in our arms, loved him and kissed him. My husband, Chris, even wrote him a poem which was read to him with such endearment.

Since his passing, his milk has helped so many babies. His story has touched so many lives, even reaching mothers in the UK!

I have pumped over 450 hours since November 4, 2018. Last week, I shipped 100oz to Mother’s Milk Bank of Florida and donated 400oz to local babies in need.

Yes, I do formal and informal milk donations. Formal milk donations through a milk bank and are provided to fragile babies in the NICU. Other babies in need receive human milk through milk banks that qualify.

For informal milk sharing, I seek to find local mothers in need. I find these mothers in need through Facebook groups, such as Human Milk 4 Human Babies. There is a lot of controversy over informal milk sharing. The controversy lies in the fact that such milk could be donated to milk banks across the country. However, there are babies who aren’t eligible for human milk from milk banks, such as our third (Emery) and fourth (Lincoln) babies.

I used 20% donor milk at breast with an SNS to make up for the supply that I wasn’t able to produce. They were our first little ones after having breast cancer and subsequent surgeries. Despite nursing on demand and pumping after every feeding, I was still only able to produce 80% of their daily intake.

For mothers who choose to obtain milk through informal milk sharing, there needs to be diligence on the mother’s part to ensure that the donor is free of harmful conditions, such as HIV and other illnesses. It’s important for the mothers who donate to follow the HMBANA guidelines to ensure they are healthy to donate the milk that is being shared is safe for ingestion.

Mothers can donate their milk through the Human Milk Bank of North America, by finding a milk bank in need that is within their region of the United States. There is always a need for human milk. In fact, there are measures being taken to ensure that insurance companies, including Medicaid, cover milk from a milk bank in order for NICU babies to have its’ life saving properties.

Now, back to my journey…

Every day, I pump my heart out to store Nolan’s milk. I use a hospital strength breast pump and express every 2 hours. I use a pumping app to track the time I’m pumping and quantity I pump each time. I even have alarms set on my phone to let me know when I need to pump.

I have a special pumping station set up that houses my milk storage bags, extra pump parts, breast pads and breast milk sanitary wipes. I keep my “Nolan Bear” (bear that was next to Nolan after birth at the hospital) next to me for every pumping session. Knowing that he is with me helps when it gets hard, and it is hard!

No one talks about bereavement pumping. It’s something that often isn’t even supported or offered at birth. When in the hospital, not one nurse or IBCLC talked to me about pumping his milk or even what I would do when my milk “came in”. Honestly, I hate when people say “when the milk comes in” because mothers at birth already have the perfect milk: colostrum. So, let’s say “when the milk increases in volume”.

I requested a pump to use at the hospital on November 4, 2019 (two days after his birth due to the trauma I was dealing with from his death). That started my journey of wanting to pump for one year.

Though I know that pumping is healing, it is hard to not have him at breast. Seeing all the posts on Facebook and Instagram of these amazing nursing photos and milestones that friends are experiencing with their newborns is heart wrenching. I want more than anything to have him here with us.

Every pumping allows me to still connect with Nolan. It’s so healing. I’m now looking into providing a webinar on “Bereavement Pumping”! I started a Bereavement Pumping group to find other moms that are on the same journey.

Support Resources:

https://stillbirthday.com/

 

To Preemie Nipple or Not to Preemie Nipple?

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by Lindsey S. #RealMomStory

It never ceases to amaze me how much conflicting information is “out there” about how much breastmilk a baby needs when away from their mama – and the ways to provide it.

Actually, you can look at it in so many different ways:

  • How much breastmilk a baby NEEDS.
  • How much breastmilk a baby COULD HAVE.
  • How much breastmilk a baby SHOULD HAVE.
  • And let’s be honest, there’s also – How much breastmilk the mama is comfortable/able to provide for baby.

It has to be said. Every baby is different. Needs are personal and situational. This is MY experience with MY children and breastmilk. If you have any questions about your child’s needs and your specific situation, reach out to an IBCLC on staff with Spectra Baby USA.

With my first two, I always followed the “rule” that 4ish ounces of breastmilk per bottle every three hours away from me was sufficient. But my middle guy’s daycare felt he needed more milk and so that meant buying the bigger bottles and giving him 5 ounces per feeding. 5 ounces of breastmilk in a bottle that can hold 8-9 ounces of breastmilk looks fairly ridiculous. Like something is missing. But hey, you have to think of it as “half full” not “half empty,” am I right?

With my newest little guy, I bought all new bottles, tried a few and ended up back with the same ones I used for the other guys. And bought all preemie nipples for the bottles, because that’s what I always knew to be true. Give 4 ounces of breastmilk every three hours and use the slowest flow nipple. His daycare thinks that because each bottle is taking around 45 minutes for him to finish and he is “looking for more milk” once the bottle is done that he a. needs a faster flow nipple and b. needs more milk per feeding. So what’s a girl to do?

Everyone always says that people who give breastfed babies bottles should pace feed. And so I always give that direction. But the truth is, I’m no bottle expert. All I do is fill them up in my nightly chemistry-like situation of pouring and preparing. And of course, I’m pretty awesome at pumping with my S1 at work all day.

The Senior IBCLC with Spectra Baby USA, Jenn Foster, shared an interesting article with me that questions whether babies should continue use of a preemie nipple and it was pretty eye-opening. From the article, it definitely sounds to me like Charlie is ready for a faster flow nipple. Oops.

So that leads to the next question – does he need more milk per feeding? Who knows? It’s all trial and error, just like so much of motherhood.

The positive in all of this is that there are so many options. And lots of days to try. And lots of variables – like teething, illness, fussiness, daycare vs. home, bottles vs. nursing, etc. I’m willing to try it and figure it out.

In this case, the conflicting information isn’t overwhelming me. It’s an awesome reminder that there isn’t always one answer when it comes to feeding our babies.

What’s your opinion? Are you slowest flow nipple until baby is done with bottles? Faster flow? More milk? I’d love to hear what you think.

About the author

Lindsey Schedler lives in New Jersey with her frat house of three boys (4 if you count her husband). By day, she’s a social and digital media strategist. For fun, and to connect with others, she shares about life as a working mama /fitness enthusiast and yummy food via @thindsey on Instagram. Lindsey is passionate about breastfeeding and pumps with her S1 or S2 when she’s away from her baby.

 

How Pumping Enhanced My Breastfeeding Journey

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By Ericah Miller #RealMomStory

Motherhood is a gift. It is also one of the most important full-time jobs you’ll ever have. You’re responsible for loving, protecting, shaping, and nurturing this adorable little human who was next in line to join this world we live in.  It’s a big deal. It’s a 24/7 job actually. There are no paid breaks for every four hours worked. No paid time off, vacation time, and no paid sick time. You’re paid in sweet little coos, smiles, and giggles which turn into sweet phrases and affectionate little hugs to mommy. As they grow, you feel a moving satisfaction watching them thrive at their own pace. It’s amazing. It’s one of those gifts in life I’ll never understand how I was fortunate enough to experience.

However, for me, it is a job you learn on the fly. I wasn’t warned that motherhood would leave me sleep deprived to the point of tears. Given, I decided to breastfeed without supplementing, that eliminated even more sleep from my regimen. But when one great lactation nurse introduced me to pumping, it totally enhanced my life. Pumping my breast milk allowed me to receive help from my spouse with nightly feedings. Although I was never the mom with an overflow or a freezer supply, pumping even made it possible to occasionally have an outing for myself and the occasional date night with my husband. With the twelve weeks of my maternity leave, cabin fever may eventually set in for moms like myself. You need an outlet—some quality time alone, aka ME TIME. Pumping milk allows you to do this. Also, when that maternity leave ends for us working moms, that milk gives both you and baby that warm, fuzzy feeling while you’re apart. Well, maybe not warm, fuzzy right away for mom, but it definitely gives you the security that your baby has what they need while you’re apart.

I’ve literally tried several different pumps and landed on the Spectra S2Plus.

Occasionally, I was discouraged by the amount of time I spent pumping and my output. Although my supply wasn’t in abundance, I typically had what my baby needed. It just took an eternity to get it out with the other pumps. Spectra was my fifth pump and it helped lessen the time tremendously with an even better output. I often got more ounces out with it. Another plus was that it didn’t leave me feeling like someone had attached a blaring vacuum cleaner to my chest lol. My Spectra was so quiet that I was able to pump in the office quietly without distracting anyone walking past the office like my others. A great pump can change the trajectory of your breastfeeding journey. It’s extremely easy to want to quit if you’re pumping and experiencing difficulty with supply or time allotted at work for pumping. A friendly and efficient pump can enhance the journey so much that you’ll look up like me and realize it’s already been fourteen months! I have no plans of stopping for at least the next ten months. Both of my children are pretty healthy and I honestly believe the use of my Spectra pump is a part of that success. Makes me wish I’d had my Spectra the first time around almost eight years ago!

If you’re thinking about what pump to get, trust the other thousands of us who have tried many others and stick with Spectra.  Check here to see if your insurance covers it.